Weird Symptom #1: Feeling like everyone wants to murder the hell out of me.
(Because sometimes pregnancy symptoms are so strange, they need further explanation.)
Okay. So I choose to believe this symptom is not just a side
effect of my crazy self, but instead my elevated maternal brain that is now
wired to keep my infant safe. I don’t know, but it is definitely a huge
difference from my former somewhat rebellious/fearless self.
So here’s one example. When I’m in a parking lot, daytime or
night, I’m pretty sure any person that comes near me or any person surreptitiously
sitting in a running car -- male, female, teenager, whatever -- is planning on
stabbing me to death and/or dousing me with a bucket of acid (yes, I read too
much weird Yahoo news).
I used to be scared of men in parking lots raping me, and now
I’ve jazzed it up a notch because I don’t seem to be too worried about rape. Nope,
I am pretty sure they all want to kill me. Don’t they dare even hold my stare
too long or I’m about to start running in the other direction. Or hurt them
with my pepper spray or pointed metal thing attached to my key ring … or blow
the really loud whistle also attached to my keyring and embarrass myself when
they were just an innocent walking person.
Then there are those scary public places with lots of
people. When I’m in a movie theater, or mall, or high school, or pretty much
any place where there have been mass shootings, I think one is going to happen
when I’m there. I look for the exits and think of spots that I will dive for
cover. I ponder the thought in my mind: If I am face-to-face with a gunman,
will I tell him I’m pregnant and beg for my life, or will that make it worse
and make him want to kill me more since he is obviously trying to create enough
destruction to make him famous?
Yes, I’ve played out that not helpful scenario in my head
more than once.
Also, if I am anywhere near a driving car – it could be like
500 meters down the road – I am pretty sure it is going to run me over, maybe
even purposefully. I look at a car and hesitate like a million times before I
cross a road or busy traffic area. They probably just think I’m nuts since I’m
not visibly pregnant. But regardless, I am pretty sure everyone on the road is
a drunk and/or reckless driver who wants to kill me.
One time, very early in pregnancy, I almost had a major
anxiety breakdown because a speeding driver ran through a red light two cars in
front of me and my husband (a few more seconds and it would have barreled into
us!!), and then it ran into a light pole and careened into a building. The
light pole fell, and a sparking fire fountain like the fourth of July replaced
it. Now, I was a little shook up but doing okay because it wasn’t very close to
me. All we had to do was proceed through the intersection and keep going, since
it was to the right of us and a little down the road.
No problem, right? That is what any normal person would do –
get away from the accident.
NO.
All of the sudden my hubby, against my very stringent and
pleading advice, decided he was going to TURN RIGHT and DRIVE in the DIRECTION
of the ACCIDENT and FIRE, because “someone might need help.”
Well good Lord I needed help after that. I thought HE was
trying to kill me. I freaked out on him so hard, I was shaking and screaming at
him to turn around until he finally pulled into a parking lot across the street
and got out of the car to walk over to the accident.
No, thank you very much, I did not feel like hanging
out near a car that might explode. Nor did I think it was a good idea in my
nauseous state to see some mangled bloody body crawling out of a car.
“Now is NOT the time to be a hero!” I told him. “Someone
else will help them! Do not drive towards accidents and fire with your pregnant
wife in the car!”
Now, maybe I was being selfish, I don’t know. Hormones don’t
always make for sane behavior.
But I do know I felt like I was going to puke
and cry for the next two hours and it was on Thanksgiving and that was not fun.
Funny note, later on the news it said that the driver of
that vehicle was pregnant,
transporting a man with an urgent medical situation to the hospital. (Miraculously,
they were okay.)
Who does that, anyway? Not this pregnant lady. Too dangerous. You better call an ambulance
with your injured self!
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