Diara of a Preggo: Things that I won't miss when I'm a parent

This morning I was laying in bed thinking about the blog post that I haven't gotten to write this past 9+ month journey: The common things that people say when you are pregnant.

Pregnant women get used to the consistency of the same questions that everyone asks: sex, due date, name, etc. Even by strangers. 

But one thing I never got used to were the negative comments from current parents about life with kids. I could write ten blog posts on the negative things people say, but instead I'll focus on one in particular that bothers me, which prompted me to write today.

Especially when you get closer to your due date, parents and other "older and wiser" people just love to talk about how your life will never be the same, how everything is about poop and puke and you will never get any sleep again, and basically how hard it is to be a parent because your life is no longer for you. 

They talk about how you will never again get to take off and go out to dinner or take vacations or enjoy your life. 

Now I'm sure these people mean well ... they are just trying to help prepare you for parenthood and not meaning to sound as negative as they do, but I always find these comments pecuilar. Typically the people saying these things are people with several kids, so obviously they chose to grow their family regardless of their life getting "so hard" after their first. 

Plus, they see that I'm pregnant and not 15 and unmarried, so obviously I made this choice very purposefully and not without thought on the sacrifices I'd be making. They don't know anything about me or what I want out of my life. 

If I EVER become one of those people who go around telling pregnant women how hard life will soon get, please shoot me in the head! 

But anyway, I digress.

What bothers me about these comments is that I'm 32 years old - soon to be 33. I'm pretty sure my husband and I were literally the oldest people in our birth class. All of our friends have kids. We both have nieces/nephews that we have grown up with in close quarters. I've lived a lot of life so far. We understand there are sacrifices that come with having children. And we have been wanting these "sacrifices" for quite a while. 

I look back at my life pre-pregnancy, and I think about everything I've done -- my travels, my accomplishments, my late crazy drunken nights -- and I've had so many varied and wonderful experiences. I've had so much fun (at times too much) in my 33 years. 

To be honest I am bored with these experiences. I am ready for family, and faith, and selflessness, and the next chapter of my life. God gave me this child and I am ready for a higher purpose.

Sure, I have regrets or unfullfilled wishes from my past - as we all do. 

There are a few places I haven't traveled yet that I'd like to make it to (Ireland, Brazil, Thailand, Australia, west coast wine country, hike some of the Appalachian Trail, maybe the Grand Canyon?)

There are some skills/hobbies I'd like to learn (Karate/Tae Kwon Doe, knitting, writing a book, learning to write HTML, running a 10K)

Professionally, I'd like to network more, present at conferences more, perfect my craft. I'd like to have the time to work on building my resume and advancing my career. I've completely tapped out the position I am in as there is nowhere to advance in my current program. I wish I'd been able to get a more advanced position before baby, but then would I have had a position conducive to having a family? Probably not.

All of these things will obviously have to wait a bit while I'm preparing for baby and on maternity leave - and after, when I'll be working an alternative schedule and focusing on being a mommy.

And I'm okay with that.

I'm lucky to have the opportunity to have a flexible position so that I can work at home three days a week and not send my baby to daycare five days (as my boss has approved). I don't take these things for granted and I do believe everything happens for a reason, and I'm right where I was meant to be for this change in my life. So I'm fine with some things having to wait.

Plus, everyone always says there is no "perfect" time to start a family. 

If you keep waiting for everything to be perfect, that day is just never going to come. I can't really imagine a more perfect time to start my family, though - two years after marrying the love of my life, when we're totally financially secure, etc. etc. 

Looking back, there are a lot of times that would have been much worse for me to start a family. Looking forward, if I had waited any longer I may have missed my fertility window. So now is somewhat "perfect."

I think about the things I've done in my life and the things I've experienced, and I can't complain. Some people don't even come close to having the experiences I've had, just in my adult life. Some of them may have been a little crazy, and not even healthy. But they were learning experiences, and at the time I had a lot of fun. 

Below are just a few snippets if I flashback on my life and the things I've done/experienced:

• I've always been a huge music lover and I've been to hundreds of rock/musical concerts - outside, inside, national, local. I've followed bands I loved and met and spent time/friendships/relationships with some amazing musical talent. I have some really fond memories of this and will never stop going to concerts and enjoying beautiful music - with my family in tow.
• I've traveled to some incredible tropical places outside this country: Puerto Rico, Bahamas, Cabo San Lucas, Bora Bora, and I don't even have room here to describe the beaches, the drinks, the excursions, rainforests, scuba diving and snorkeling with sharks and stingrays, the boats, the sight-seeing, the people I met and other beautiful and amazing happenings on these trips.
• I've also traveled to incredible places inside this country: I'm sure I'm missing some but all over the west: Arizona, California, Oregon, Utah, the Dakotas, Texas. And of course spent lots of time in Florida, the Keys, Sanibel Island, Miami, Kentucky, Nashville, Atlanta, Milwaukee, Virginia, Las Vegas, New York city, Washington DC, Michigan ski resorts and lakes and wineries, lots of time in Chicago etc. And those are just the fun places. I've been fortunate to travel alot.
• I've had the experience of being so poor I had creditors chasing me and wasn't sure whether my house would be foreclosed on, eating ramen noodles and cheerios for lunch. Being forced to move in with my parents as an adult and start my life over completely. I've also had the experience of being fortunate enough to buy pretty much whatever I want, and right now being fortunate enough to build a beautiful, brand new house. Because of having both of these experiences, I know how to fully appreciate and respect money and instead of buying name brand purses or other ridiculous things women tend to waste their money on, I save what is probably a ridiculous amount of money, just to have the feeling of security which was once lost - and to be able to give my kids that feeling of security.
• I have a love of learning and enjoyed all of the time I've had to nurture it: I have received a bachelors and masters degrees and a project management certificate, read a thousand plus books, joined and worked for numerous committees and volunteer/philanthropic efforts, and met some of my closest friends and other amazing acquaintances due to these experiences. I have won writing contests and when I was a reporter i had my work published in numerous newspapers and online sites.  In my current position, I am fortunate enough to work with children living in poverty, some of them refugees, getting to know their life experiences, their families, and being amazed almost daily at their strength despite adversity.
• I have lived "on the wild side" when I was (much) younger - making crazy choices including riding motorcycles everywhere and joining in on biker parties, experimenting with drugs, drinking (too much) into the wee hours of the morning, closing down numerous bars, hanging out with groups of ladies that would go "out" Thursday through Saturday, numerous experiences spending time with "bad boys" who didn't care about anything, etc. etc. I'm left with two tattoos I usually try to cover up and a lot of memories, not all of them good (Including spending a few hours in a jail cell and a protective order and divorce against one of those "bad boys"). I regret a lot of it and I'm so glad to have grown up and removed myself from it all, but at the same time I also met some amazing, good people and had some fun, carefree experiences that I'll never forget (but have no desire to re-live).
• Just some random things that don't fit anywhere else: I've camped all over the country, climbed the Black Hills and mountains in Arizona, ran numerous 5K races and two triathlons, touched baby tigers and stingrays and sharks and numerous other exotic animals, been "jeeping" up and down sand dunes and mud bogging through rocks in forests in trucks on private property, swam in a rainforest waterfall on an island, almost drowned in a big wave in Mexico, and not too long ago I accidentally dropped a kitchen knife, which stabbed into my foot, leaving me with a permanent scar. :)
• I have been fortunate enough to have until 33 years old to be able to see myself grow as a person and as an adult -- into the person I really want to be -- spiritually, educationally, and emotionally. I am a completely different person than I was when I was 20, and I'm okay with that. I have  honestly never been in a more emotionally stable, confident, happy, normal, secure state than ever in my life -- I am finally proud of who I am and I don't care what others think of me, and most of all I feel that I'm the woman that God would want me to be -- and that is the absolute best place to be when bringing a child into this world.

The above are the things I can recall in my memory right now - but there are so many more that I'm sure I'm leaving out. So, my very long-winded point is I've definitely lived some life (pre-children).

All of the experiences that I've had with all of the different groups of people from different walks of life have molded me into the person I am today. They've shown me who I want to be and who I don't. They've taught me compassion for all types of people, and color-blindness, and selflessness, and gratitude, and personal responsibility for my life. 

Although there are things I wish I could go back and do over, things I wish I hadn't gotten myself involved in, the good and the bad both have made me who I am today. 

Everything that came before was necessary for me to be who I am - a person who has the capability of being a fantastic mother.

That being said, I see pictures of my friends making sweaty faces in bars on Facebook, and I want to puke. I see pictures of bachlorette parties, and I think: "Thank God I won't be going to any more of those." 

Do I care about not being able to pick up on a whim and go out to dinner or wherever once I have a baby? No, I do not.

Do I care about "missing out" on experiences because I'm "stuck with" the kids at home, or not being able to run wild without responsibilities? No, I do not.

I will value my family like the treasure they are, build a strong relationship with them and give them all the experiences I possibly can in their young lives, rather than running off to have experiences without them. 

And to be honest, I resent parents who do that. I think it's selfish. Having children is a choice -- not everyone can have kids. And your kids are only young for so long.

Sure, after baby there will be the rare time my husband and I may happen to have a babysitter and go out for dinner or to a bar for a drink or two because they have good food or a good band or because our friends happen to be there. I'm not saying I'll never step foot in a bar. 

But I am saying I don't have any real desire to be there, at all. I don't miss being in bars. I feel sorry for friends who feel like, at this age, they still need to be there all the time. There is nothing there for me.  Give me my family and a cup of hot tea and a good book and a nice workout and I have all the endorphins and true happiness I need for an evening.

So my point in this post that has become incredibly lengthy is this: No, I won't miss the life with no strings or all the wild and crazy times. You won't find me wishing I could "get out."

No, I won't feel like I'm "missing out" on all the "fun" being stuck home with my beautiful daughter (OK I know I have not met her, but yes she is already beautiful). 

I will not miss being able to pick up at a moment's notice and leave because a restaurant has a special on 20 oz. beers and 20 cent hot wings. 

I have had those experiences, and then some. Probably too many of them. 

They aren't worth it.

What do I look forward to? Family outings. Family vacations. 

Giving my kids amazing experiences so that they can have an amazing life.

The first time I dip my baby in a pool. Going to church with my kids. I want to learn Tae Kwon Do with my family. I want to hike the Grand Canyon with my children. I want to learn to knit when they have children and I'm retired. I want to take them to every museum, and camp with them, and kayak and canoe and make forts. I want to go sledding in the winter. I want to discover Australia's Great Barrier Reef together, as a family.

Am I being naive to say I will never get sick of my kids or never want any alone time? No, of course not. I know my husband and I will need to do things together as well to nurture our relationship. I know there are times when my kids will be sick of me, as well. I know alone time can be healthy. But it will not be often.

No, my life is no longer for me. I knew that when I got pregnant. 

And I embrace and welcome that. Poop and puke and all.

Diary of a Preggo: 39 Weeks and counting

Yes, that's what I said: I'm 39 weeks pregnant today! I can hardly believe that I have spent almost the last year of my life pregnant, and here I am, at the home stretch.

It's been hard to keep up with much of anything in my life lately, and that includes creative pursuits like blogging. Nonetheless, if my due date is somewhat correct, I only have about a week left of being pregnant -- So I've made myself find the motivation to post tonight.

I would say the end of my pregnancy has been significantly tougher than the woes of the first trimester, but I've realized that in reality they are just different woes. 

I'm not sure I can compare the two. The third tri seems worse now because I'm in it. But if you would have asked me how I felt in the first tri, I would have talked about being absolutely miserable as well. To be honest it was just a different kind of miserable. I was pretty much unprepared for either kind of misery, but they are both tough when waddling your way through them.

So here's what I've been dealing with lately: 

• Swollen and painful fingers/joints in my fingers (sometimes I can't even make a fist when I wake up)
• Worsening swelling and pain in my feet/ankles
• Lack of sleep and worsened fatigue
• Harder to walk/off balance
• Complete inability to bend over, almost impossible to tie shoes/put on socks/wash anything lower than my waist in the shower
• Daily headaches
• Constant urination that contributes to lack of sleep
• Worsened sinus congestion (I've been dealing with that my whole pregnancy) 
• General mental fogginess and lack of memory
• Weekly doctor's visits (one that caused bleeding from a particularly painful cervical check)
• Growing out of my maternity clothes/nothing to wear.
• Shoes don't fit (even flip flops are hard to get on due to swelling)
• Worsened hormones (urge to cry, get stressed/frustrated easily)
• Strangely enough, a weird swollen/scratchy throat and larnyx that seems to almost close up when I sleep, causing snoring at night and sometimes even difficulty swallowing during the day. 
• My body is uncomfortable pretty much all the time - sitting, standing, laying, etc.

So here is a snapshot of my average night: After a couple of hours trying to find a comfortable position in a bed that always seems to be too hot, I finally fall asleep in a fitful, mouth-breathing state, only to wake up approximately 45 minutes later crazy hot with an incredible urge to pee that is painful, like the baby is bouncing her head on my bladder (which she actually is, now that she's engaged head-down). 

I get up and awkwardly roll myself out of bed, usually with an audible groan, because somehow I'm always surprised by how much my feet hurt when they touch the floor (They ache down to the bone, like to the point of limping). So I use the restroom and return to bed, only to repeat the wake/pee cycle every hour or couple of hours. And that is if I don't wake myself up from snoring/lack of breathing or numb hips from laying on my side, before the urge to pee strikes.

That kind of night schedule makes it really hard to get any solid sleep and work the next day, even though I'm only working half days at this point (doctor's orders - but only three days of work left, yay!) It's tough to get through just four hours of work - especially since my feet swell up like watermelons if I sit for longer than a half hour.

And the rest of the symptoms don't help when trying to make it through any day, even without work. Small tasks completely wear me out. Today we went to the grocery store and one more store and I was so exhausted I came home and napped for an hour. 

There is, however, some good news. My sciatica/back pain is completely gone. I've been able to manage that through weekly visits to the chiropractor and exercises. Thank God for that! Next pregnancy I will visit the chiro early on to hopefully prevent that problem.

My husband has been super helpful, cleaning and cooking and taking on a lot of the work around the house. And we've been majorly slowing our lives down, just enjoying one another on the occasional dinner/move night and staying in, cooking and freezing meals for when the baby comes.

Everything is done that needs to be done at this point: We have all the supplies/clothes/diapers, etc. that we need, car seats are installed, maternity leave planned out, all the furniture, strollers, etc., put together. That gives my mind some peace.

It's a waiting game now and believe me, we are watching the clock! I get through each painful day with the hope and joy of finally getting to meet my little girl - a day that should be just around the corner. :)

Diary of a Preggo: Dreams of Sleep

So I know this title is an oxymoron, because you can't dream without sleep. So, using the word "dreams" in the meaning of "hopes," I really "hope" to be able to sleep sometime soon. 

I have been having some major bedtime woes for about two weeks. I get up approximately 5 times a night to pee, and sometimes it's hard to fall back asleep. My little girl loves to roll around and do somersaults into my ribs at night, when she seems to be at her most active. That doesn't help.

Other nights, I have such bad restless leg syndrome that I can't fall asleep for hours. It's impossible to get comfortable when your legs/nerves are twitchy and crampy and the body pillow you can't sleep without is making you super hot. Last week, I averaged about 3-4 hours per night. For a non-morning person who normally gets a minimum o f 8 hours per night, believe me, 3 hours of sleep is NOT enough.

Not sleeping tends to enhance the stress of a already hormonal and irritated momma-to-be. It is a terrible combination, and it's been a struggle to stay positive. Through daily walks, prayer, meditation and a magnesium supplement recommended by my doctor, things were a bit better this weekend.

But I've noticed that lack of sleep has a big impact on weight - or at least what your weight looks like. I don't know why, but around the same time I started having trouble sleeping, I also started looking and feeling much puffier and retaining more water. I've dealt with swollen ankles for a while, but this is the first time I can feel the water retention in my hands and see it in my face. I know this happens to pregnant women but I see myself in a mirror and think, yikes! I feel like a big sluggish whale! I could seriously just eat and sleep all the time (....if I could just sleep).

Sometimes when I get up in the middle of the night to hit the bathroom, my feet feel painful - like stingy - and swollen just walking.

Maybe the water retention and lack of sleep aren't connected. Maybe they are both just by-products of being a month away from having a baby, I don't know. My weight, urine sugar, and blood pressure are always fine and healthy when I get my check-up. I just have to remember that.


Regardless, I'm fatigued and just worn out all the time. It's really hard to force myself to take my daily walk, and sometimes I don't make it. My feet hurt all the time, like I just worked a standing 8-hour shift, except I sit at a desk at work.

But enough complaining for now. I'm less than 5 weeks away! 
WOOHOOOO!!!

Diary of a Preggo: Let there be Light

I can’t complain that much about the third trimester. You know why? No matter how miserable you are, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

When you are miserable in the first trimester, things are just more bleak. That’s because you have like 8 months to go and are incredibly afraid that all of these symptoms are going to persist. 

Also, the baby doesn’t seem quite real back then. You aren’t showing, you aren’t telling people yet, and you still are worried about the possibility of early miscarriage. Things are just so much more exciting when you make it to the third tri. At this point, even if I go into labor prematurely, my baby has a 99% chance of survival.

So when I named a recent post “Almost There,” I meant it. That has been my mantra ever since I hit seven months. At this point I have about six weeks left, and I feel like I can get through pretty much anything for six weeks. Especially since I am finished with all of the tough, stressful things I needed to get through during this pregnancy - such as moving and directing a huge event that I am in charge of at work. I have either slowed or temporarily quit my volunteer commitments, work is virtually stress-free, and I don’t have any major pressing things to be completed in the next few weeks. 

These upcoming summer days are going to be slow-going, which is exactly what I need right now.

 In addition, the major pain I had been feeling early in my third trimester has subsided. Thanks to twice-weekly meetings with a chiropractor and physical therapy, as well as watching my physical activity, I am almost pain-free. Some days it flares up a little, but it is NOTHING compared to what it was. My physical therapist actually said she thought I may have had a slipped disc that worked it’s way back into place, and that is why I’m doing so much better. It doesn’t surprise me, based on the level of the pain I had.

Plus, in your third trimester, people see that you are very obviously pregnant. They understand that you have to walk slow and need help opening doors/carrying things. Even coworkers totally understand your need to be lazy due to fatigue and other ailments. They know why you are bloated and swollen. My boss doesn’t even blink an eye about me wearing my gym shoes to work due to not being able to fit into any other shoes.

 People sympathize with your condition, which makes a world of a difference. Even my husband, a majorly active/borderline hyperactive person, has been good at finding activities to release his energy, such as a church softball league, so that he doesn’t run me down all the time. At this point, he can’t possibly expect me to keep up with him. I wish I could, but it doesn’t matter if it’s incredibly beautiful outside, all I want to do when I get home from work is lay back and put my swollen feet up. 

Sometimes I get into bed at 9p.m., even if I’m not tired yet, simply because my body hurts and I can’t get into a comfortable position anywhere else. (I have an AMAZING body pillow – plus it’s the only quiet place to read in my current abode).

I’m also getting excited about the birth, something I could barely fathom in the first tri. Strange as it may seem, I am actually really looking forward to it. I want to see my little girl and I want to begin this new life!

 I’ve been carrying her around for so long and preparing for her arrival that I don’t care what kind of pain it will take to get her out! I’ve already reviewed my birth plan with my doctor and he was incredibly kind and accommodating about it, which only confirmed that I made a good decision sticking with him. I am giving birth in a big, beautiful new hospital with my husband by my side. A couple of months later, I am moving into a big, beautiful house that is now being built. I will be happily busying myself decorating the nursery before then.

Yes, I have some major heartburn, a little back pain, restless leg syndrome, and majorly swollen ankles. I feel fat and disgusting. I am hot all the time and tired pretty much constantly.

 But --- I see that light at the end of the tunnel.

And based on the 16-year olds I saw in my birthing class, things could be a whole lot worse. Life is good. : )

Diary of a Preggo: My Vow to My Daughter

As I get closer to the birth of my daughter, I am starting to think more about life as a parent -- what kinds of decisions I will make as a mom and how I will handle certain situations. Although having a “baby” seems to be the major focus right now, and diapers and hospitals and onesies and bottles are on my mind, I know very well that my “baby girl” will not be a baby forever.

I will be raising a human being, the most important undertaking I think I have ever embarked upon. I need to be mentally prepared for this.

Through my own experiences as a child, as well as watching others parent throughout the years, I’ve come to some conclusions about some things I’m determined to offer my daughter so that she can have a good, secure, happy life. 

I’ve also come to some conclusions on some things I will not do as a mom (admittedly some of it is based on my observations of mothers while working for a café throughout my college years, as well as working with students and parents in my current job. I’ve seen it all).

This list may not be exactly as my husband’s list would be –  he would probably add his own promises from his own perceptions and experiences in childhood, although based on our discussions it should be somewhat similar. : )

My vow to my daughter

•   I will not spoil you. We are fortunate enough to be able to give you the world, and I will want to, but I will not. You will learn a work ethic and you will learn the value of money. You will need to save up for things you want to buy, and you will need to get a job when you are of age. You will learn how to get your hands dirty, help out with chores, and wash your own car every now and then. You will thank me later.

• Your first period, first time shaving your legs, trying out makeup, wearing a bra, first high school dance date, and other female milestones, will never be a source of shame for you. We will talk about these things often and early, and we will CELEBRATE them as they happen. You will never feel embarrassed or worried to ask me or talk to me about anything.

• I will never try to be a “helicopter” parent or run your life completely. I will not force my beliefs or political opinions down your throat or try to control you. I will educate you, and teach you how to question the world around you and seek out your own answers, but you are an individual who will need to make decisions. You will need to learn how to cultivate your own beliefs, as well as how to change them if needed, and fail sometimes, and learn from your mistakes. I will support your decisions, unless of course they cause you or others harm. Especially as you grow into adulthood, I will not push my nose into your business, tell you how you have to live, or get mad at you if you don’t do things the way I want you to. If you are making a huge mistake that could hurt you, I will tell you and try to help you. But, you should not be afraid to tell me what your decisions are or how you and your adult family choose to live. I will trust what I have taught you, and understand and embrace that you have your own family now.

• You will know God from a very young age. We will cultivate a passion for goodness, a joy for life, and faith in your heart. You will understand that our family follows God’s rules, regardless of religious affiliation.

• I will never criticize or judge you for what you want to wear, who your closest friends are, your body, your personal habits, etc. This can be very damaging to your self esteem. I will guide you in the direction you need to be, and tell you if you are very off track or doing something that will cause you harm or ridicule from others, but I will never personally attack or shame you for being YOU.

• You will love learning. We have been inciting a love of learning in you from the womb, and when you are born we will be reading books to you as a baby and using every learning opportunity we can find, whether that be through play, travel, or just new experiences. We will help you learn to think through situations and assertively ask questions when you need an answer. You will not be afraid of school or feel you can’t achieve or learn something, and we will make sure support systems are in place to ensure that.

• We will try our best to raise you without fear of the unknown. You will not be afraid or hesitant to try new things. We will be engaging you in new, different, and exciting things from the time that you are small to get you accustomed to enjoying every bit of this varied and exciting world, and help you adjust to change and embrace new opportunities as an adult.

• I will never hit you out of anger. Not when I’m PMSing, not when I’m tired, not when you push all of my buttons. If you say “I hate you,” I will respond with, “I love you.” You will be disciplined, but I will not react to you in physical anger. I promise that with my life.

• You will understand and accept diversity and differences in others, as God would. You will not hear stereotypical racial, religious or ethnic profiling or hate speak in our household. You will be exposed to differences at a young age so that you do not fear people who are different from you.

• You will know what it’s like to enjoy and appreciate the wonder and beauty of nature. You will not sit in front of a TV all day or on your iPad for hours. You will go outside. We will make forts in the trees, build snowmen, walk the trails at the park, make snow angels, ride bikes, stare at cloud shapes, go canoeing, run around in the sprinkler, collect rocks and bugs and leaves and toads, make sandcastles, tell stories around the bonfire. You will know the smell of grass and dirt and fresh air. You will problem solve and use your imagination. You will be active, and I promise -- we will have tons of fun.

•  I am not going to be a pansy mom. If I say you cannot have the candy bar in the supermarket checkout line, you will not get the candy bar. Not if you have a store-wide screeching tantrum. Not if you beg me for an hour. Not if you crawl around on the floor and throw things and embarrass me. You will be disciplined for your behavior, but you will not get that candy bar. If I were to give it to you, I would be teaching you that tantrums get you what you want. Mom stubbornly sticks to her decisions, and you will learn that quick.

• I promise that even if I’m tired or not in a good mood, if you ask me to talk to you, watch you jump in the pool, look at the picture you drew, or otherwise, I will pay attention and be accessible to you. I will try my best to overcome these times to positively engage with you and be attentive, even when I’m not feeling like it.

•  I will cultivate your self-esteem and sense of confidence from a very young age. You will know that you are beautiful and okay just the way you are. You are special and unique and God made you to offer something to this world. You will never feel less than worthy or not good enough. I will do this through my own words, messages and actions, positive programs for girls, youth groups, education, etc. This is going to help you immensely when it comes to your relationship with men in the future.

• I will always advocate for you and stand up for you. You will feel secure, safe, and loved at daycare, school, home, etc. I will be present at your school and communicating often with your teachers. If other adults, teachers, students, etc., are treating you badly, I will intervene on your behalf. Even if you have done something wrong, no child deserves to be treated badly. You will learn the consequences of your actions, but I will not tolerate bullying, ridicule, or just mean treatment toward you, no matter who it is coming from. And whoever it is certainly better watch out once your father gets to them.

• I will touch you in a loving way. I will hold you, and stroke your back when you cry, and give you lots and lots of hugs. When you are very young, I will tell you I love you often. You will get to the point where you are embarrassed of me and ask me to stop, but I promise I will never stop trying. You will always know how much you are loved.

Diary of a Preggo -- Almost There!

I named this blog post "ALMOST THERE!" for a reason.

I am 31 weeks tomorrow, and the third trimester has not been nearly as kind to me as the second. They said this would happen, actually. All the books said trimester 1 is horrible, 2 is great, and 3 goes downhill fast.

However, I hoped I would avoid some of the woes of trimester three. I thought, I put in my time with all the terribleness of trimester one, right?

I was wrong.

Now, I know this entire blog I've sounded like a major whiner -- not much like my normal "optimist" personality. But to be honest this is the only outlet I have to do it. My hubby is probably incredibly tired of hearing about all my issues. He often asks "what can I do," and I never have an answer. Much of it there is no solution to. And although people are constantly asking me "how are you feeling," I'm sure they don't actually expect me to list all my negative symptoms to them. I hate to sound like a complainer.

So, I am grateful to be pregnant but I am more grateful to be ALMOST THERE, because at this point I'm pretty sure birth is the only thing that will provide me with relief.

The past week and a half the sciatica nerve pain in my buttocks that I had in the first trimester has now flared up to about twice the pain level of before. Basically my uterus is pushing on my sciatic nerve, making it and the muscles around it flare up in pain. It can start in your back and run completely down your legs, but thank God I don't have the leg part. The pain can hit you anywhere on the nerve path. Mine is in a weird spot, like the part of my lower back/hip/pelvis bone at the top part of my butt. Sometimes it's worse in one side or another and sometimes it's painful on both sides. It hurts the most when bending over and twisting. Right now it is so painful that, upon standing up after bending over to shave my legs in the shower, I experienced such a traumatic shooting pain that I screamed. Loudly. It's getting harder to walk.

Tylenol takes the edge of the pain, but does not eradicate it by any means. Every time I have to bend over (and you'd be surprised how often you do that in a day - brush your teeth, grab something out of bottom of fridge, tie your shoes, get something out of a cupboard, etc.) I have to brace myself and I dread it to the point of avoiding bending over, even if I need something. Of course, being pregnant and clumsy I drop things all the time so this does not help at all. It honestly feels like someone stabbed or shot me in the butt. That's the only way I can explain it.

I feel like I now understand what it's like for people who live with chronic pain. They must be angry and depressed all of the time, because that is honestly how I've felt. I feel helpless, and the worst part of it is that it's keeping me from staying active. I've been doing so good keeping up my exercise routine, and now I'm in so much pain that I can't fathom even sitting on a stationary bike for a little cardio.

 Last week I went for a swim (which is supposed to be good for sciatica) and it didn't hurt while I was doing it, but later that evening it hurt much worse. Walking also makes it worse. Walking and swimming are supposed to be the best exercises for pregnant women. The less I work out, the more weight I gain, which depresses me even further. I can't win.

I miss working out. I miss my old body. I miss running the most. I can't wait to run again.

Today I packed a bag and had planned to try and go to the gym. Instead the pain got worse throughout the day. I came home, laid on the couch on the side that doesn't hurt as much, put a pillow in between my legs, and closed my eyes until the Tylenol kicked in, just so I could get up and help make dinner. I was close to tears. I then took a hot bath, and it was the only 15 minutes in the past two days that I didn't feel constant pain. A few minutes after getting out of the bath, the pain was back (a tiny bit better though).

I have a physical therapy appointment tomorrow morning (which took two days of phone calls and paperwork to set up due to referral paperwork and people being out of the office), but honestly I'm not that optimistic about it. The stretches the therapist gave me to do the first trimester are no longer working. It seems to be my doctor's only solution. We'll see if she has any more tricks up her sleeve. If not, the next step is acupuncture or a chiropractor, which I've never really believed in. At this point though, I'm willing to try anything. I only have about two months to go, but two months with constant pain is two months too long.

I can deal with heartburn, fatigue, and swollen ankles (all of which has hit me this trimester); but constant pain, that I can't deal with.

And, my whining is done for the day. Thank you :)

On a positive note, we went to our birth class last weekend and got a tour of the hospital's birthing suites. All my questions got answered, and I honestly feel really good about it. I'm looking forward to the birth. I can't wait to meet her, and tell her all about these 9 months of sacrifice ; )

Diary of a Preggo: Why I'm always late to work

Why This Preggo is Always Late to Work

So, if any of you out there are thinking about becoming pregnant or have recently found out you are pregnant, I would highly suggest adding an extra hour or two to your morning schedule so you can get to work on time.

I am lucky to have a really flexible schedule and don't punch a time clock, but I still find myself getting in later than planned in the mornings now that I am further along in my pregnancy. I realized there are actually a lot of extra tasks, or slower tasks, that are taking up my time as I get bigger. Here are a few:

Five extra minutes: Just add that to your normal shower time. Twisting, turning, bending, etc., while washing is just more difficult. You will have no idea how often you do these moves showering until you are pregnant. Oh, and getting in and out of the tub is a lot more treacherous, so you have to do it carefully.

2 extra minutes: Add that to the normal shave time because attempting to shave your legs is a major, and probably eventually impossible, task.

30 seconds: Rubbing cocoa butter all over your belly.

1 minute: Recovering from running into something in the hustle of getting ready. As you get bigger, your center of gravity changes and you become more clumsy on your feet. I run into things a lot, and drop things a lot. The other day I bent over and flipped my hair over to dry it, and then went to stand up except I ran my head right into the doorknob of the open bathroom door. Ouch. Unfortunately these are common occurrences.

40 extra seconds: Tripping on your pant legs and almost falling over as you try to get dressed.

Ten extra minutes: Trying on a million outfits every day only to find you are bigger and the majority of them don't fit. When you find a pants/skirt, etc. that halfway fits, making it look presentable with either a rubber band, pants extender, or a fabric belly band to cover your open zipper, layered with the right amount of tank tops (sometimes employing all of these rigs together), is a task in itself.

3 extra minutes: The application of makeup and drying your hair while at the same time sweating all over and having to stop and wipe the sweat off (yeah, gross --- you will be hot all the time. I am about to just stop blow drying my hair at this point)

One extra minute: Putting on your shoes and tying them, which will require sitting down and some awkward yoga bent-knee positions.

Five to ten minutes: Preparing a nutritious breakfast, because a pop tart out the door or "no breakfast" will not cut it when you are preggo.

20 extra seconds: Climbing awkwardly in and out of your car.

Depending on your work location, one extra minute: Walking through the parking lot and up the stairs to my building (I used to be a major speed walker)

And let's add one more extra minute before I start my actual work: Chugging water and recovering from being completely out of breath from walking to my office.

If you try to do all of this at the gym locker room, it's even worse (navigating others, dealing with hairdryers that short out so you have to bend down and crawl under counters to re-plug them, not having adequate places to sit down, sweating, hearing gross noises or smells that make you want to puke, etc.) I am actually becoming fond of going to the gym after work, which I hated before, just so I don't have to get ready there.

Regardless, pregnancy is a good sacrifice, and you find what works for you. Pretty soon though, my hubby is going to be shaving my legs. Either that or he better get comfy with a hairy woman :)