Fear

One of the most daunting aspects of Mara is fear. The thing about fear is that its very nature causes us to run from it. Fear is naturally built into our biological psyche as a way to preserve the human race by evading predators and other potentially harmful things.

So when we experience fear, our first natural thought is to avoid it. Which is good, it keeps us from jumping from buildings or driving at 100 mph. However, the human mind tends to run astray and experience fear when fear doesn't necessarily need to be experienced to protect our lives. Or its dial gets stuck on "fear" after something bad happens and we can't get back to normal.

We sit around and hide from things that we don't need to be hiding from, and because of this, we miss out on opportunities and don't live up to our potential. We are running from Mara, instead of inviting it to tea.

In the past year of my life I experienced fear in a way that I never had before. I had to experience fear on many levels-physical, emotional, financial. Fear of emotional well-being, fear of being attacked, fear of losing my job or of not being able to make ends meet in my new life. Fear of being alone. I had days where I was afraid to walk the few feet from my car to my house in the dark. Any of these fears on their own can be potentially devastating, and here I was getting the package deal all at once.

I was lucky to be raised in a very safe environment - two loving parents, strict curfews, etc. I've always had enough food to eat and the trust that the people around me had my best interests at heart. When you live in this sort of safety bubble it can be especially excruciating when your bubble gets burst.


You have to come face to face with the fact that there is so much senseless evil in this world that you are going to come in contact with no matter what you do. You have to realize that many people did not grow up in the safe environment you did - many people grew up in horrible, evil environments, only to grow up as adults and perpetuate this cycle of violence because it is the only way they know how. There will always be evil around us, and there is nothing that you or I can do to eradicate it.


Just the other day I was complaining to a friend about something someone did to me, something I felt was intentionally wrong. I was whining that this person knew I had recently been through a hard time yet knowingly added to my hurt. My friend simply laughed, and said that I cannot expect people to be that socially responsible. He said I can't expect that much out of people because most people just don't care that much.

As an optimist, that's hard for me to accept. I want to assume the best out of people and I want to expect to get the best out of people. I want to believe that if someone is close in my life than they must have my best interests at heart.

But he's right. That's just not always the case. And we can't go around being afraid of who has our best interests at heart and who doesn't. We can't be afraid to walk from our cars to our houses simply because evil exists and we've been touched by it.

Evil is alive in this world - accept it. It's around us every day. It lives in other people.

I have come to accept that the best we can do is just live with it, know it is there, be aware but not consumed with fear. Love people....and if they chose to respond to that love with hate, then that is sad for them. It must feel horrible to have evil and hate rotting inside of you every day. Pray for them. But you will go on knowing that you did the best you could.

And maybe next time, your love will be reflected with love.

I would have to say that I've now accepted fear as a part of my life. I know that I can't let it consume me, even though it tried for a while. Fear is one of the most tricky evils because we need it to a certain degree, we can't completely ignore it. But we've got to keep it at a healthy level. And when we feel it, we can't evade it by running, pulling the curtains, or shutting ourselves off from people because they've hurt us. We can't drown it with alcohol or drugs or eating or whatever the vice of choice is.

We have to FEEL it. We have to SIT with it. We have to accept it. And know that no matter what happens, we will be taken care of.